


When I Kissed The Teacher

by froggle



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Multi, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Will add more tags as I go, also ft clare/sam, dw robin/humphrey is a joke ship i just need another couple, god this is so fluff...., there are........ intricate rituals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggle/pseuds/froggle
Summary: Sir Captain has always been Button Academy's least favourite professor across the board, but all that changes when a certain someone arrives.
Relationships: Alison & The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019), Alison/Mike (Ghosts TV 2019), Kitty/Mary (Ghosts TV 2019), Pat Butcher/The Captain (Ghosts TV 2019), The Captain & Thomas Thorne
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. The New Teacher

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO HELLO take some more patcap ok ok. idrk what else to say.

“Come along, students, get seated at your desks.”

A class of tired teenagers groaned and wearily slumped in their chairs. Their first lesson at 8:30AM was history with possibly the worst teacher ever - Mr (or Sir as he preferred it) Captain. The most humourous thing about Sir Captain was his name: Captain Captain. However, Sir Captain was the most uptight teacher - following rules to a military level. His students had to be on time for every lesson, obey his sharp orders and enter and exit the classroom in a very strict manner. He was too firm to be a history teacher.

“Now, class. Get your books out and turn to page 120…” 

Like robots, the students obeyed in sync. Two long, boring hours passed. The machines filed out in a strict orderly fashion. As soon as the students had left the classroom, noise filled the hallways. Sir Captain sighed. He was going to shout after them, but he realised who they were so excited by. 

“Mrs Cooper!” The corridor resounded. The headmistress - inherited the position after her last known relative left her the school in her will. It seemed strange to inherit a school and job title in a will, but Mrs Cooper wasn’t going to turn it down. Besides, her and Mr Cooper needed all they could after making the choice to adopt. Jemima Cooper had officially been adopted into the family just a few weeks ago.

“Ah! Sir Captain,” The headmistress, or Mrs Alison as she preferred, caught the history professor as he was leaving, “I’m gathering all the teachers in the staff room, it’s quite important so you’ll have to join us. See you in five!”

_ She’s too casual to be a teacher _ , Captain thought,  _ but if Mrs Cooper says it’s urgent, it must be _ . He followed the lady to the staff room and the important announcement hadn’t caught his eye yet. The teachers all went silent when he entered the room.

“Well, everyone, I have some special news,” Mrs Alison began, “we have a new teacher starting today!”   
  
The new teacher turned around and Captain’s eyes widened. “Please, everyone welcome Mr Patrick Butcher, new Physical Education teacher and Head of Extracurricular Activities!”   
  
The teachers applauded - Captain louder than the rest. Mr Butcher gestured for everyone to calm down.

“Please, please, call me Pat! Patrick’s a bit formal for me!” He chuckled and adjusted his glasses. “It’s lovely to meet you all!”

The room made noises in agreement. Captain turned pink at the cheeks.

“Well, if I remember correctly, Mary has some Yorkshire tea on specially for you, Mr B- Pat!” Alison gestured to the caterer behind the counter. She waved and Pat finger gunned at her in joy and mouthed “proper stuff, that.” Captain didn’t mind informality so much now.

“Biscuits are on the table, lovelies!” Mary chirped. Pat’s face lit up. The room bubbled with the noise of the teachers bonding with Mr Butcher over tea and biscuits. The English and Drama teacher got up and stood next to Sir Captain who was standing to attention.

“So,” Mr Thorne stage-whispered, “what do you think?”

Captain blushed a deeper shade of red.

“Th-think of what?”

“Mr Butcher, Pat!” Thorne gestured with his hands facing upwards. He sighed dramatically. “For we, which now behold these present days, had eyes to wonder, but lack tongues to praise.”

Sir Captain looked awkwardly at the man. “Ugh, you know nothing of poetry!” Thorne sat back down and started talking with the rest of the faculty. He caught Pat for a bit of a chat and winked at Sir. This confused him even more. The bell rang for the end of break. Pat put his hand on Captain’s shoulder.

“I didn’t get the chance to speak to you!” Pat smiled. “We’ll have to catch up at lunch!” The P.E teacher exited the room with a skip in his step. Captain exhaled and tried to stop himself turning as red as a tomato. He just had to get through one more lesson before lunch, which was easier said than done.

Whispers in the corridors told him he seemed a bit distracted in the lesson just now… and that Mr Butcher high fived them all on the way to class! He’d certainly have to prevent himself from slipping again, and have a chat with Patrick about this.

Sir Captain marched to the staff room for the second time that day - a rarity. He always had lunch, and mostly break times, on his own, he liked to think it was because he was above them all, when deep down he knew that wasn’t the reason. He sighed and pushed the door open. He made a shy smile at the new P.E teacher who approached him quickly.

“Hi!” Pat sang and held out his hand. “I’m Mr Butcher, but please, call me Pat! I’m the new P.E teacher, but you know that…” He blushed slightly and grinned.

“Uh, ah,” Captain gulped, “I-I’m Sir Captain, the history teacher…” He took the other man’s hand and blushed back.

“Sir Captain?” Pat inquired.

“W-well, the title isn’t official, but my full name’s Captain Captain, a-and I served for a bit as a Captain i-in the army before I sustained a war injury and had to retire, so m-my full name is Captain Captain Captain, but that’s quite a mouthful, s-so, yes…”

Pat chuckled and his grin grew wider. 

“Can I just call you Cap?”

“Please-” Captain said without thinking. He had never been one to accept any nicknames, but this time it didn’t seem to matter. “I-I-I mean y-yes!”

“Alright,” Pat grabbed the history teacher’s arm, “Cap.”

“Yorkshire puds are ready!” Mary called. “Fresh out the oven.”

Pat’s eyes widened.

“Smells lovely, that! Cheers, Mary!” He took a plate and the largest pudding there was. He poured some gravy on and Cap thought the man was about to ascend. He came back to where Cap was standing and told him, his mouth already stuffed, this was the best Yorkshire pud to ever pass his lips. Captain was slightly disgusted at Pat’s manners, but he managed to see past them. Cap joined the line of teachers and tasted the caterer’s cooking for the first time. He was stunned - this was the best food he’d tasted in, well, forever.

“S’good, innit?” Pat saw Cap’s expression.

“W-what, y-yes, it is! It’s splendid! Thank you, Mary!”

Mary nodded and smiled proudly. It was an achievement to get Sir Captain to acknowledge any of the faculty, let alone thank them. The bell rang for the end of lunchtime and Cap promptly started leaving, but was caught by someone - Mr Thorne.

“So,” He smirked, “how does it go with Pat?”

“Wh-whatever do you mean, Thorne?”

“Do you, well, like him?”   
  
“I-I mean, h-he is quite amiable a-and friendly, and, well, um…” Cap started to turn red. “Look, I must get to my class.” He started to pace down the hallways but was followed by someone else.

“Cap!” A cheery northern voice called and jogged next to him. “You must join me and class 12A in archery after period six tomorrow!”

“Will do, Mr B- Pat, I’ll see you, um, sometime, must dash!”

Pat waved behind him and headed to his class.

“See you around, Cap!”


	2. A for Archery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sir Captain joins Pat for his first after school extra-curricular activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which pat constructs an intricate ritual to touch the hands of the history teacher. enjoy

Archery with class 12A couldn’t come soon enough, Sir Captain found himself thinking. Yet at the same time, he wished he’d never agreed to joining Pat. Thankfully, he hadn’t run into him after school yesterday, but Pat had waved to him this morning - this made him slightly fragile during periods one and two. They’d talked again in break, which went by too quickly. Sir looked at his watch - five minutes.  _ Better get a move on _ , he thought. He began pacing down the hallways. He made it to the field exactly at the half-past strike.

“Ah, Cap, so glad you could join us!” The P.E teacher beamed. Class 12A were shocked - the strictest teacher had allowed the new teacher to call him a nickname! They were even more surprised to see Sir stay silent about it. “Alright everybody, calm down, Cap - or Sir Captain as you know him - is only here because we need two adults supervising.” This was only half-true as that was not the only reason for Cap’s presence. “So, class, welcome to activity A, and A is for archery!”

The students looked at each other excitedly. “Now, I just need to run through some do’s and do not’s. It may surprise you to know that most accidents happen after the arrows have hit the target. Kids run up the track and can easily trip. So, we’ll take it in turns at shooting and we’ll calmly walk up and collect our arrows. Okay? Brill. I’ll just demonstrate for you all.”

Pat picked up a bow and arrow. He stretched his arm back and closed one eye. He exhaled and let the arrow slip through his fingers. It flew through the air and pierced the wooden target. The students and history teacher clapped, stunned. The arrow had hit bullseye. Pat himself was surprised. He smiled proudly and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Right, I don’t expect any of you to get bullseye straight away, I’ve been doing this for ages, so… We’ll just start off with being able to handle a bow, shall we? You first, Jonathan.”

The boy stepped up to the teacher and took a longbow from the pile. He tried the string and was shocked as to how hard it was to pull it. “Oh, yeah, I must’ve forgotten to loosen the bows. Sorry, Jonathan, pass it to me.” The boy obeyed and Pat sorted the bow out. “Here, try that again and have a few pulls before trying to shoot an arrow.”   
  
Sir Captain never took his eyes off Mr Butcher. The teacher went round all the children showing them how to hold a longbow. 

"D'you want a go, Captain?"

“No, no, I’m quite alright.” He waved his hands in front of his chest.

“Oh, come on, Cap!”

“Oh, alright, I will!”

Pat grinned and picked up a longbow for Captain. The P.E teacher approached the history professor and handed him the bow. Captain pulled on the plastic string a few times and looked at the man whose eyes shone behind his glasses. Captain was puzzled as to why Pat seemed to be looking at him this way. Sir held the longbow in front of him and stretched back the string. The P.E teacher got behind him and adjusted his form.  _ Good lord _ , Captain thought,  _ he’s awfully close to me _ . Pat pushed Captain’s back arm up and held his hand that was clinging onto the bow. Sir gulped and started sweating. Pat’s round hand encompassed his own large and tense hand. Captain stiffened and turned bright red. Class 12A knew exactly what was happening and tried to conceal their giggling. 

“Perfect!” Pat’s face glowed in the afternoon sun. “I’ll just get an arrow and let you have a go at shooting… Right! Head and shoulders up, Cap! Here’s your arrow!”

The history teacher took the arrow and slowly placed it against the bow. He drew the bow up and aimed at the target. He narrowed his eyes and focused on the circle in the middle. It was silly to think he could hit bullseye on his first go, but he still found himself wanting to be like the new teacher. The arrow whooshed and hit the ring outside the centre circle. The children and the P.E teacher all applauded.

“Well done, Cap!” Pat said. Cap blushed even more. The children applauded their history teacher. He made some awkward noises in embarrassment and tried to appear as if it was nothing, he’d just observed Pat closely and copied him. All the way home, Sir Captain’s brain kept replaying Pat’s praise.

Cap slumped down on his bed, not having the energy to even make his usual cup of tea. He couldn’t quite get to sleep as his mind was filled with the events of the day… he’d never had anyone say “well done” like that. He slowly drifted off and dreamt of making Pat proud many more times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so if you haven't already, leave a comment or kudos of you liked this :)


	3. Aprons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary comes to Kitty when she needs some aprons fixing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so idk when this chapter is set but it's before pat arrives so. take this chapter for femslash february!

“Good mornin’, Miss Katherine!” The caterer greeted the bubbly woman approaching the counter.

“Oh, please, call me Miss Kitty, I prefer it that way.” 

The art teacher held out her mug and Mary poured some tea. 

“Alright, Miss Kitty it is then. ‘Ow are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine! My students do complain a lot about that history teacher, though.”

“Mm,” Mary sighed, “someone ought to put ‘im in ‘is place.”

Kitty frowned.

“I don’t think I could do that. Besides, I think he could be nice if he wanted to… maybe someone just needs to soften him up!”

The cooking teacher shrugged.

“Just know if you did, I’d be right be’ind you.”

The other woman smiled. 

“Really?”

“Truly, Miss Kitty.”

“Oh, thank you!” She beamed. “I might try and talk to him next week, then.”

“I would like to see that.” Mary chuckled. Kitty laughed with her.

“Well, I’ll see you at lunch. Those biscuits were lovely, Miss Mary, thank you!”

The bell rang for the end of break.

“Thank you for your praise, Miss Kitty,” The caterer called, “would be nice to get some praise from that history teacher. Oh, and, my cooking class has managed to damage some of the aprons you kindly lent to me, nothing you can’t fix, I’m sure.”

“Oh, just bring them over whenever you’re free! See you at lunch!”

Kitty left the room humming and dancing. She liked the caterer a lot and would often find herself going up to her counter for refills. The only people she really hung around were Mr Robin (physics and chemistry), Mr Humphrey (biology and psychology), Miss Mary (cooking, food tech and catering) and Mr Thorne (English and drama) - they were the teachers that had been employed as long as her, give or take some years. 

Sir Captain was too military, and old Mrs Fanny Button - Kitty didn’t know what she taught and was quite convinced she just haunted the school to tell people off- was too grumpy for her taste. This had gotten worse when Heather Button, the old headmistress, had given her position to this young woman she’d never heard of, when clearly it should’ve been given to her. Kitty liked it when Mrs Alison joined the school, but was slightly sad to see she was married. Oh well, she had Mary.

Ever since Kitty had arrived, she’d brought a new happiness to the centuries-old school. Everyone liked her, even though her always-present happiness annoyed some people. Kitty didn’t mind, because her friend group grew pretty fast and soon the art students became the best behaved they’d ever been.

Kitty had also organised a lot of big events for the school like fundraisers and parties for Pride Month. Only one person complained about Pride, but she soon sorted him out. As she was also a textiles and fashion teacher, she made pride jackets for the staff and children - she was an expert at sewing.

After school, the cooking science teacher found the art teacher in her office.

“I came with the aprons,” Mary said, “if you don’t mind staying a bit longer.”

Kitty’s face shone with delight.

“No! Of course I don’t mind!”

The textiles teacher quickly got to work and had the broken seams stitched up in no time. 

“Oh, thanks you, Miss Kitty…” Mary said, trying not to sound disappointed, for some reason. She took the aprons back from Kitty and went to turn away.

“Mary,” the seamstress started, “your class seems to break those aprons a lot, because ever since I lent them to you, you’ve been visiting my classroom more and more… So, maybe I could teach you to sew them yourself?”

She saw the look on her friend’s face. “Not that I mind you coming of course! In fact, I like you coming around very much, and if there’s ever a problem worse than loose seams, or anything else, feel free to carry on stopping by…” Her cheeks went slightly dark red. There was a pause.

“I’d… I’d like that, Miss Kitty…” Mary replied, turning red as well. “If you taught me to sew, that is…”

Kitty grabbed Mary’s hand and sat her down next to a sewing machine. Her touch was like velvet, and Mary clinged onto that feeling for as long as she could. Kitty began showing the caterer how to use a sewing machine, but Mary soon found herself distracted by the cashmere voice of her friend. Before she knew it, the velvet hands were clasping her own and were placing them on some material under the needle.

Unsteadily, Mary put her foot on the machine’s pedal and began stitching up the spare material. Kitty looked at her intently and smiled in support. Mary blushed under all the cooking ingredients she hadn’t yet had time to clean off her face. Kitty couldn’t help but notice Mary had some chocolate icing near her lips and her cheeks became tinted with a deep plum.

The art teacher kneeled down to clean her friend’s face - she was awfully close. Kitty moved in closer.

“Can I-”

She was cut off by Mary’s lips touching hers. Behind the long window in the wooden door to the room, four people gasped. 

“Quiet, Humphrey, they’ll hear you!” Clare snapped as quietly as she could. Her and her wife Sam had been wedded by Mr and Mrs Cooper, as they run a wedding business on the side. Both of them had both met at another school but decided to move to a smaller school that was more closely-knit.

“I’m sorry!” The man apologised equally as quiet. “It’s just I’ve just lost another tenner to my husband.”

“At least you’re honest ‘bout it.” Robin grunted. “Usually I’m the one reminding people about bets.”

Robin and Humphrey had been and stayed at the school the longest. They’d known each other for longer and finally tied the knot five years ago.

“Well, ‘t least I got a tenner!” Sam exclaimed. “Well done to me and Robin for guessin’ Mary’d be t’one to kiss first!”

“I was disappointed that it was Mary, it really looked like Kitty was going to when she leaned in like that!”

“Shh, guys! They’re getting up, let’s go before they find us!”

The couples ran down the hallways giggling in a hushed manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment if you enjoyed or kudos if you haven't already! i have 4 prompts for femslash february every friday so get ready for mitty this friday!


End file.
